Where this road is leading us.

First I want to thank everyone who has sent good luck our way.

I know this blog has taken a turn towards the negative lately and that isn't really a fair representation of what most of these changes mean for us. Closing the shop was really a choice that I made because I really wanted to spend more time with Alder on his terms. He wasn't made to hangout all day in a shop. I also felt as if I was missing out on so much by being there.

I was right, the last month has been so powerful. I didn't realize how little time I spent focusing on him when I was with him before. Now we have hours to do things together so when there are errands to be run there isn't the feeling of choosing between doing Alder things or Mama things there is time for both. The changes in him were pretty immediate (although they might be coincidental) he's really talking a communicating a lot with new words every day. Also with all the time we have now we can slow down and he does a lot more for himself. Most importantly there are less tears from him and better sleeping.

There are other changes going on that are wonderful as well. Kevin's decision to refocus his practice into a Community Acupuncture clinic, makes sense both for the area we live in as well as our beliefs. Rather than charging 60+ dollars for a visit he will be charging 15-45 sliding scale. The difference in treatment is that the needling focuses on the arms, legs, ear and face. All points that can be accessed without removing clothing. Patients lay in recliners in a communal room where they are free to stay as long as they want. What is missing from these appointments is the 1/2 hr to hour long conversations. He will still have some slots when people can come for full treatments. The point of this sort of clinic is to make acupuncture accessible to more people regardless of what their insurance will cover.

here's a good article also.

So these changes in our life are scary sounding but they really are bringing us closer to what we value and believe in.

train of thought

We're back and life is no clearer than it was before. In the last week we have "tried on" at least eight different possibilities of lives. Instead, I'm sitting here in the coffee shop on the computer trying to figure it all out. What better way of doing that than by asking for ideas.

We are at the point where we realize that our business was not working at the speed that we thought it would. There are a lot of things that need to change in our business plan if we are going to stay here. The only other some-what viable option is to move to Albany, although this is seeming less likely at the moment. This leaves us in the position that we are going to take some time to regroup, get more financially stable, and reconfigure our business.

This all feels a little like defeat but I am trying to look at it more as a pause so that we can come back stronger. Of course the shop is closed for good, a wonderful woman has taken over our lease and is already opening her fabric shop. Because of the nature of the area we live in a regular acupuncture business won't work, people just don't have the money to pay for it. So we have been exploring the idea of opening a community acupuncture clinic, basically the treatments involve less talking and use needles on the arms, legs, and ears only, and the patient is treated in a community room with a bunch of recliners. The advantage is that you can treat up to five people an hour at a much less expensive rate (15- 40 sliding scale). I'll write more tomorrow or Monday about this.

Because of our work experience and our family situation we have decided that Kevin will look for the primary job while I look for something that I can do from home. I've started looking but there is an amazing amount of internet crap that shows up when you look for online jobs. If anyone has any ideas about legitimate resources I would love to hear about them.

Honestly, I really can't wait to feel stable again it is tiring trying to stay happy when you are worrying about how you are going to pay rent and bills. I'm done feeling sorry for myself and am ready to just push through and create our life from real things not just our imagination.

This has turned into much more of a journal entry than I was expecting I'll keep it up here anyway since I really would love any input.

Update

A lot of changes are going on right now, the first is that we have sublet the shop and are closing. Between the economic crunch going on and our own personal feelings about materialism it was hard to really push our products on people. Second we are heading up to Maine next week for an interview with a woman who is starting a community acupuncture clinic in Belfast (Maine). Third we are hoping to stop and talk to another clinic looking for a subcontractor in Portsmouth NH. The two other options we've been working with are: staying in Bennington and getting other jobs while Kevin tries to build the practice, possibly becoming a community clinic, or there is a job in Glens Falls NY, except it's part time for not a lot of money.

If anyone has any input on any of these ideas please share.

Oh yeah I am writing this from my Dad's in New York City where Alder and I am for the week. This all started as a weekend with my aunt and it's turned into an almost three week trip.

Ever had one of those days?....months (a bit of a vent)

Somedays here in cold Vermont seem like they are just here to spite me. Not a nice comment but I've had a spate of bad days for a while now. Not everyday but a lot more than not it seems. I feel unprepaired for parenting a toddler who is so active and has so much on his mind but no way of expressing it. I feel overwhelmed and short on time while starting our business. Communication on all fronts seems to be a forgein language for me.

Then there are the stupid technical things like how first I lost my camera and then when the awesome people at etsy got it back to me (with some additional pictures on it) and I go in to tell about my trip to New York the computer is crashed and has been residing for the last few days at the shop. Which leaves me writing this on our old laptop who is as tempermental as I am lately.

I have so many ideas of things I want to be working on, projects on so many fronts but instead of doing any of them I have spent the last two nights ironing fabric and trying to find the floor of my studio (which is still missing). I have finished all the designs for our first run of tee shirts, I'm going to put some on etsy when they are done. But I can't start thinking about printing any of them until the table is cleared and the shirts, which have been sitting in baskets and boxes for months are also ironed.

So if anyone has some spare hours that they don't use and want to send them to me so I can have a few 36 hour days that would be splendid.

Project Day

P1010004
Originally uploaded by Ink Spots

Looks of productivity going on today. In the morning I worked on another book cover embroidery, edited four articles, wrote one review and started one article.

In the afternoon Alder and I went over to Trish's house for Chinese food and working on another project (it is secret until it's done). I am not a sewer, yet, so working over at Trish's is better. She has a whole sewing room set up. I love the space with it's bright walls and natural light.

Alder was a really good side kick today. I try not to have too many days where he only tags along but I had been putting off a lot of this stuff and it needed to get done. By the end of the day he was weepy and tired.

Luckily papa was getting home at the same time as we were so we had a family cuddle until he drifted off to sleep. Right now he's asleep in the bed in is overalls. A worn out boy.

My First Business Meeting

No I am not going to bore you with what it was about. I'm just surprised how good it felt to be out in the world doing something "legitimate" where the topic of conversation never once landed on children. Where I could ask questions without being looked at as a mom asking them.

Before Alder was born a lot of my work revolved around educational philosophy and logistics, now I am usually focused on what we can do for the day that interests both of us. I have left the cerebral world for the tangible one and I really like the change. Even in my writing my focus is on life and the world around us not theory. But some days I miss the debate, the research, the synthesis of ideas.

Today I got to stretch some of those muscles for a little while.