Forays into Unschooling Thinking

Well were off as soon as we're packed! This will be a thin week for entries but I'll have a whole trip to tell about when I return. I am excited but tired, as Alder got up four times last night.

I'm just finishing organizing all our books it makes me think about how much there is out there that I have not read yet. I kept on thinking of other areas that I want to learn more about. The more I read about unschooling the more I realize that it is what I have been doing since I left school. I've learned so much more since graduating college.

I remember after the first year I Was out here in Colorado I commented to my father that I had learned more in that one year than during the four years of college. I had learned, how to camp alone, outfit a canoe trip, shoot a rifle, downhill ski, tele ski, measure frames for walls, roll joists, do my taxes, set up a rock climbing belay, become intimate with the Southwest Colorado landscape, hitch hike and lots of other things.

In retrospect that year was my year of Deschooling, I was fairly irresponsible and spent a lot of time partying, but after that year I began to explore more things that interest me. I've taught myself so much since then and what I haven't taught myself I found people to help me. All of this was before I really understood about unschooling.

But to get back to the present. Kevin and I talked a lot about unschooling this morning. We had established during our first date that both of us wanted to homeschool our children. I've realized that a lot of our want to unschool Alder is that we ourselves learn best that way and want to have time to enjoy it with him. A big part of our plans for the future have to do with going on adventures, some close by and some far away. One of our main goals with our business is to be able to afford an annual river trip in the spring. Both of us see that a trip like that is a much deeper education than sitting at a desk watching the minute hand move slowly.

A teachers in alternative schools we saw our ideals decay with the constant impositions of the administration and the parents. It was hard to teach in a school where every time a parent read a new educational theory they came to me wanting it implemented. It was the schools policy to take parent's requests seriously, regardless of what was working well with all the children. I liked some of the parents very much but it was often a struggle to balance their needs and continuity in the classroom. Especially when over half the class was partially unschooled. In retrospect the best method I could have used would have been to unschool the three students I had every day. But since I had not been exposed to many of these ideas yet I rallied against them. Now they seem so natural to me, although I am not sure if they belong in a classroom setting with out the entire school being a Free school.

Now seven years since that first date we are already beginning the process. Everyday we watch as Alder explores our world, we've baby proofed the house only removing the truly dangerous items from his reach the rest we let him touch and taste. While he still loves to put things in his mouth he is starting to manipulate them in his hands first.

This morning he pulled himself up to standing at the couch, I had my first fleeting feeling that he is growing up quickly. We never had to show him how it was done or that it was something important. Why should we ever dictate why of his learning. Of course I want him to learn how to read, write and do math but I am more interested in getting him to want to do these things because he is curious enough about something that he sees that these skills are important to figuring things out. I also want him to read because it is a pleasure to get lost in a story. But I want him to do it on his own terms at his own pace not one set for his year and month.

He is part of our lives now I don't really understand the idea of corralling him off in school for six hours a day in the name of learning. The first, and only, time I breached this subject with my Dad so far his only comment was "Why would you want to waste your time? If you want to teach him stuff just spend time on the weekends doing it" If Alder was going to school the last thing I would want to do is take his precious play time away from him.

This could bring on a whole other tangent but Kevin keeps popping in here to see if I'm finished so this is all from now. I'll come back from Santa Fe with pictures and stories.

Stacey

Projects and Travels

Both Alder and Kevin are napping right now. It has been a long morning of cleaning the house and Alder teething. We tried all the other remedies but he's had his first dose of alopathic medicine (acetaminophen). He is an amazing kid. Even though he's been cranky all morning it really is only about half the moments the rest he's smiling away "working" on something, like say how to crawl under a chair or over a mother.

We are trying to go through all the important papers that have piled up in piles. You know the stuff that you need to file away but it doesn't need to be dealt with right now but it can't be recycled. Unfortunately we've accumulated two milk creates full of the stuff since Alder's been born.

While Kevin mainly works on the papers I'm in charge of organizing the books and Cd's. They tend to migrate away from the shelves that they belong on. I probably took too much on by deciding that I want actually organize the shelves so we can find things again. I think this whole thing is Kevin's "project" this semester. Usually around midterms and exams he feels the need to do a completely non-school oriented project (refinish a hutch, paint his office). This past set of exams he did not do anything and he felt scattered.

I am glad we are doing this, it gives me one less thing to go through as moving gets closer. Of course we have a time limit to finish this since we're driving to Salida to meet my mother-in-law tomorrow afternoon to go to Santa Fe for three days. I am excited, since I have never been to Santa Fe despite the fact that I've been to Albuquerque ten times at least. It will also be fun to have Mary (mil) there since she knows so much about the region. Also it will give her time with Alder, which she hasn't really had since he was born, except for a day here and there.

That reminds me. Last week we went down to the Springs for a dentist appointment. She met us at the office to spend time with Alder. Even through he hasn't seen Grandma since Christmas as soon as he saw her he reached is arms to her. The only other person he does that for is his aunt Amanda.

Frida Kahlo

Kevin and I watched Frida last night. For Kevin it struck on the interest in the process of art making and how that often gets lost when you are looking at art and discussing it. Frida Kahol's paintings are intense emotional pieces stemming from her own life. She did not create them for the art critics and historians to dissect. They were created because she had to create them for herself. Yes the topics were of more universal appeal than she would have thought but that only served to benefit her.

The whole conversation got me thinking about imitators. People who are struck by her artwork do it an injustice by copying her style. If they were to truly emulate her they would focus on being true to their own internal monologue. There have been times that she has inspired me to try self portraits but the outcomes have nothing to do with her actual paintings. I couldn't copy her because my experience in life is different.

What I find in her paintings is a sense of strength and vibrancy. This site is a "biography" of Frida Kahlo using her paintings to tell the story. http://www.fbuch.com/fridaby.htm I come away from them with a feeling that one must do not just think about doing. Life is present and if you are an artist you should be making art not just talking about making it.

Yesterday I cleared my art table and I look over there right now and can see the project I am working on. I don't feel spiritually connected to Kahol but my respect to her, as with the other artists whose work I like, would be in creating my own honest work.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about our move this summer. I was all about moving to Hudson for a while. It's very cute and very much like that dream town I have where life is sweet, diverse, and busy. I pictured us living in a little farm house with a lot of land for Alder to wander on.

From Urban Draw

As the weather in Denver stops being as snowy I've been really enjoying walking around Denver and getting places. Kevin and I like going to see good films and being able to get a cup of coffee at ten pm if we want to. These aren't things you can do in a place the size of Hudson.

From Urban Draw

From Urban Draw

It has also occurred to me that in the ten years that I have been in Colorado that Denver has been the best place we have lived. I love that we can do all those things but also be on a hiking trail in a half hour (which by the way is shorter than reaching most hikes in Durango). I've also meet the people I've liked best here. They are a mix or artists, outdoor folk, and just other people loving their life.

From Urban Draw

From Urban Draw

From Urban Draw

From Urban Draw

From Urban Draw

In a city whose social is partially focused on which coffee house you go I find myself at home. To an outsider Denver seems "suburban" but but if you get out of your car and avoid the downtown that's when you will find the real Denver with it's history and it's plans. Too bad there are too many acupuncturists already here otherwise we would stay.

Where does that leave us with out move then. Well we are starting to look at small cities. Currently our focus is on Portland Maine and Albany New York. I still want to be East at this point in my life. Both those cities are small but close enough to "the country" that our need for a great deal of nature in our life is met.

I have been reading "Last Child in the Woods" by Richard Louv who is basically rehashing many of the ideas of biophilia in a more accessible read. One of his major points is that as people move to the cities and suburbs they are loosing their contact with nature. I would add that the children who are in cities (really towns and villages also) where they don't get every place by car actually have more interaction with nature than their suburban counterparts. This too is part of the draw to these small cities.

Alder will have more chance to explore parks, coasts and rivers when they are part of the immediate walkable (or at least bikeable) vicinity. Yes nature is everywhere but if you spend are always in a metal box going form one place to another you will miss it. This of course leads us to another reason that we like the idea of a walkable city, we are happy only having one car. I don't like the idea of leaving a larger pollution imprint than necessary and as it is here in Denver there are many days neither of us use the car.

After living in Paonia we realized that urban living was much more environmental and I continue to hold this opinion. Matching this with our want for an actual cultural life to the place we live, and of course a bevy of coffee shops, it seems that a small city fits more with our needs than a town like Hudson where things seem to close down at 5pm.

I guess I'm more a funky front porch in the city sort of woman.

Valentine's Dinner 1

This year Kevin and I decided to trade making nice dinners for each other as our Valentine's gifts. We thought it was a good way to spend time doing something we love (cooking) for someone we love (each other) and getting to do something we love (eating good food) together. I made my dinner on Saturday night.

From Valentine's m...

The table is set and the candles lit.

From Valentine's m...

Sauteed Shrimp with Saffron Rice (a bit blurry)

From Valentine's m...

Red Snapper Stuffed with Shallots on a bed of Arugula

From Valentine's m...

Strawberries and Blood Orange Slices in Balsamic Vinegar served with a Soft Sheep Cheese

From Valentine's m...

Flourless Chocolate Cake dusted with Coco powder, they had powder sugar hearts on them.

The meal ended with a massage. Mmmm. Somehow I was the one who got the massage. I can't wait to see what Kevin creates.

How I Do Mama 2

The story sort of starts with weddings, I am not sure if you did this but when Kevin and I first got engaged and chose a date I briefly got bitten by the wedding bug. I bought into all the stupid things that the magazines said and I wanted the frills and all. Luckily I quickly came back to my senses.

Having a kid is similar, first there is the wait between getting pregnant and having them. Second, there is all the consumer media about what you need to do/ buy for the baby. At first when I was pregnant I mainly thought about names, nothing concrete or committal. But after we moved to 34th Ave and I had to set up a "nursery" and get ready for the baby I started to let my mind drift mainstream. I chose colors and came up with room themes that I wanted (don't laugh) I even pondered a wishing well crib (2000 dollars). The romance of a nursery soon wore out when we decided to cosleep with Alder. After cosleeping and the choice to have a homebirth all the trappings of the soccer/SUV cult dissipated.

But the mainstream culture was soon replaced with the cult of natural parenting and attachment parenting. I envisioned myself spending my days wearing Alder in a sling and breastfeeding until he was four. The funny thing about the natural parenting resources out there they are also filled with consumerism. Sure you are not giving your money to Gerber or Pamper but you are still a market group being sold to. Still I agreed philosophically with the parenting ideas that were espoused (and still do). I wanted my baby (I won't say Alder yet because he was still just baby) to grow up happy independent and loving. But I also imagined him only playing with wooden or handmade toys. Any new parent can tell you that anything that you imagined parenting to be like is a fantasy.

Then came the day I was at the fabric store looking for fabric for the baby's sling. I was very pregnant and it was hot out. The air conditioning was wonderful and I was prolonging my stay in the store. It was then that I met the woman who invited me to join a mother's co-op. What a great idea I thought. So fitting with the ideals I had for my baby. I liked the image of spending hours in someones kitchen as the little ones played on the floor while we made homemade baby food and sipped herbal tea. I could see little Allia (what I called the baby to myself) running with a crew of slightly natty rose kids all in cotton clothes playing together like brothers and sisters.

I even started to go to their Monday playgroup/ discussions before the baby was born. It felt good to be around other mothers. Most of my friends don't have children. Sure I felt like the neighbor girl invited to the sleepover who was not really friends with anyone. But it was good for Adler (he was alive at this stage). I wanted to fit in, to be like. I started doing more with them and volunteering to organize things. As I did more I saw less and lass of my old friends.

Then came my offer to create a creative outlet for mothers. A blog where we could show our arts, writing, and crafts. My offer, that was only there because I wanted external motivation, was rebuked by the "leaders" as trying to steal their email list. That I was trying to duplicate their group, and somehow steal their idea. I even felt the need to diplomatically explain myself, making sure I dropped all sorts of platitudes towards the groups "leaders". Their reply was something about wanting to process this misunderstanding as a group.

Process, that word annoys me. It usually involves some amount of sharing secrets that have nothing to do with the issue at hand, a good deal of tears related to childhood wrongs, and still I would somehow end up apologizing. Perhaps that is bitter of me, but I have never been invited to process anything with out it really turning into a veiled excuse to dump on one person while others stroke their own egos (usually very fragile ones hiding in vocabulary). Process to me means that people want you to change and listen but they do not want to change or even hear what you are saying. Of course I am excluding all the wonderful versions of process; like the process of making a book or baking bread, I am talking only about the discussion sort of process.

Luckily for me just as the beginnings of the processing I was heading to New York. It is funny how being around people who have known you for a long time puts things into perspective. As I spent time with my family having fun and having interesting conversations an idea began to form in my head. I would never be friends with most of these women except that we happened to have children of approximately the same age. There was no herbal tea in kitchens.

Then, while I was still in New York, there was another spate of emails about misunderstanding. Again the same people were the ones offended. People that I liked left the group. Here I was with people who I love spending time with and what could I tell them about the people I had been hanging out with? Someone asked and then the words came to me. They seemed like lonely women who had always wanted to be popular and had now created their own forum where they were the popular ones. My move to volunteer is no different than the high school girl who helps with the prom to hangout with the popular girls (not that we even had a prom at Friends). When I said this out loud to my cousin I realized then that I needed to leave the group.

I do not really think badly of these women. They are filling a need by creating this co-op, but it doesn't fill any need for me. I know enough people with children for Alder to see other children once or twice a week. For me I need to be around friends who are interested in things that I am. I really do need to be around other artists or just other people who I like for themselves. So I left the group, and Alder and I have become busier since then, there are people to have coffee with, libraries to explore, walks to go on (alone and with friends). Also I am happier, I can focus on Alder more as well as me. I love my son and he has done much to enhance my life but he has not changed me to some other "mommy" creature. I am still the same Stacey, maybe a little calmer, but still me.

Tired

I know I shouldn't be enjoying Alder's moods lately, he hasn't been the happiest kid (remember the perspective here) but his mood of late gives me lots of opportunity to hold him. Things must be changing for him in some way that I don't see because he is needing a lot more physical contact than usual. He still is a laughing smiling kid a lot of the time but now he wants to be held to keep that mood going.

Unfortunately, he is also having a lot of trouble staying asleep for long periods of time. This of course means that neither Kevin or I am getting any sleep either. I hope it isn't all because of the introduction of the crib. Last night he didn't not want to go back to sleep so Kevin played with him for an extra hour (until 11pm). He then fussed for an hour both in my arms, the crib and the bed. Finally on his second trip into the bed he fell asleep.