What We Do

I have been slacking on putting up pictures lately. So this entry is full of them.

This week has been a bit odd. The weather has been all over the place and we were still dealing with no car until yesterday. Right now it's threatening to snow.

As usual we've spent quite of bit of our time either in the library or the park. The library lasts only as long as I can handle re shelving books behind him. But we managed an hour on Wednesday with the bonus of seeing Trish who came upon us as Alder was traversing the lobby (which is the width of the entire building) on hands and knees.

After the library we spent a few hours in the park. We found a spot on a hill overlooking a soccer game played by construction workers during their lunch break. Alder was more interested in climbing on the stroller or putting his fingers through the grass then the game.

Yesterday was busy. We finally have a car again (Kevin's parents are lending us their spare one) which meant grocery shopping and Target. I do not like Target's policy allowing their pharmacists to make moral judgments about filling birth control scripts but it is impossible not to shop there without spending an obscene amount of money.

While we were there I made the mistake of walking through the toy isles and saw all these great wooden toys which I wished Alder had to play with. We left with only swim diapers. Saving our meager sum for groceries.

If I haven't mentioned it before Alder is no longer a baby. No he isn't walking yet but the way he moves and interacts and looks is just more toddler like. This showed itself while we were in the Sunflower he was trying to pull things off the shelves. Oddly he kept on grabbing healthy useful stuff like avocados. To keep him from grabbing everything we ended up snacking on a box of cereal for most of the time.

He is sleeping right now all knocked out from getting up at five. Splayed out on the bed he looks older than his eight months and it is starting to feel like he has been around for longer in our lives. I guess in some ways he has. Before we even were married we would talk about a life we could have. There was always a child in these tales we would tell ourselves. I think even then he was alive in our imaginations.

Car Dependency of Varying Amounts

The environmental and personal economic impact of one car per adult is high. When you are living in a city where most places you need to be can be reached by foot or bus there is no need for a second car. We have made it for most of the past seven years with one car between the two of us.

When we first met we each had a car but a year later my car's engine block was cracked. We considered getting me a car but never did. To begin with my record with cars is bad. I've only had one accident in all my years of driving but I just seem to cause problems with cars (I've had two alternators go out on me while I was driving). We functioned fine in Durango with only one car for a few years.

I did briefly buy one for a trip to New York because at that point it was cheaper to buy the car that I did than fly. Of course there is the debate about which is more damaging to the environment flying cross country or driving. This one time I chose not to weigh the sides to experience the trip. So for almost six months we were owners of two cars (both over ten years old).

Then we moved to Paonia to live and work on the same property and soon sold my car and kept Kevin's. "Joey" served us well for years until right before we were getting married when he gave up, a good effort for an almost twenty year old car. At that point we were gifted an old mini van for our wedding "Rosy" we named her. She has been great, reliable, sturdy and great in the snow. But she is big and uses lots of gas. In some ways she is a great Denver car, since we rarely drive in town and when we go out of town it is great to have the space for things like skis or boats. Of course we are still leaving our trail of emissions but they are less often than most.

So here we are living in a public transit friendly city with one big car that doesn't get used too much. I guess we are leaving a fairly small carbon foot print, not as small as we'd like but since we can not afford to get a new car, well you know.

And then this two week came upon us. Happily, Alder and I were getting ready to drive to meet friends for a while before we went down to Colorado Springs for the night. But Rosy would not go. Through some wonderful friends we managed to get to the Springs for my dentist appointment but since then we have been car less.

At first we thought this would be no problem. We even contemplated not fixing her for a while, going the bus pass-bike route. Except with a small child that's difficult, especially when you don't have a bike trailer. We've done the best we can, but it's hard to shop for food when it's limited to what you can put in your backpack and the bottom of your stroller. Alder and I have also been stuck missing activities because the bus rides would have been so many and long that it was not worth going.

While we strive to live as green as possible we still rely on a car, more than we thought. In fact last night we went to a Seder across town. The bus ride there was fine, we walked to the stop and literally jumped on the bus. But dinner ended at 9:15 the bus was seven blocks and five minutes later, instead we had over an hour to wait. It was okay since we were in a good mood and decided to walk around the park to a different stop for entertainment. But if it had been raining or Alder had been upset it would have been miserable.

So this morning Kevin took the commuter bus to Colorado Springs to pick up a lender car from his family. A smaller, leaner car. Not our Rosy but then closer in line with our green hopes for ourselves.

All of this has made me wonder about how dependency on vehicles happens. I grew up in New York City where many of my friends did not have cars in their families, many still do not have a car. Groceries were either carried or delivered and there never was anything you couldn't get home on the train or a cab. My family did have a car. We used it every two weeks or so to go away for the weekend. But it was a luxury not a necessity.

I did not even get my licences until I was twenty one, and only then because I had to get somewhere by car.

When in the last fifteen years did I become dependent on a car?

Happy Passover

I'm sitting here at my computer looking at a postcard that says Life is Just a Bowl of Pork Chops. The rest of my family is enjoying their epic Seder, eating good food and company. But hey I just spent the day out in the sunshine enjoying those freedoms that their remembering, tomorrow we'll go to the temple's Seder so we're no being totally bad.

A Day in Our Life 1

I have been thinking about how many of my dear friends and family are out there doing things, big things compared to my daily Alder thing, you know getting PhDs and Masters, teaching, saving the world. I miss being part of a larger community of articulate adults some days. Lots of days Alder is asleep and I'm just not sure what has happened to my day. I am not dismissing what I am doing as less important, but when I've just given Alder his twenty-fifth belly raspberry for the day I feel a little lonely for the world of ideas. I know that this picture of my life isn't complete, I'm copy editing and starting Sun and Moon, as well as writing when I get a chance, but this is what days feel like pretty often.

7 am wake up, as Kevin yells that he's leaving to catch the bus.

7 am-8am doze on and off as Alder plays on the floor in the bed room.

8am-9am brush teeth with Alder trying to climb my leg, spend the rest of the time with Alder playing only on the bed (he loves being bounced down on the piled blankets.

9am- 9:30 am feed both of us while doing a load of laundry and listening to NPR.

9:30am-11:30 am put Alder down for a nap, it's a little early but he's rubbing his eyes. Oops, I fell asleep with him for the entire nap.

11:30am-12:30pm Try to dress both of us even though most of the clothing is waiting to be folded in baskets. Then remember that it's cold out and do the whole thing again while listening to NPR.

12:30pm-12:52pm Realize that we only have one bus ticket so prepare to walk downtown as event of the day, then see that Kevin has left us tickets. Repack the backpack and go to bus stop.

12:52pm-1:30pm Ride bus across town, look out window, make faces at other riders.

1:30pm-2:15pm walk to St. Marks, visit with Gio for a little bit, enjoy our drinks (me:latte Alder: soy milk)

2:15 head over to Twist and Shout, while talking to grandpa on the cell.

2:30pm Ask staff about the Haimowitz CD that was recorded in the Plainfield church, I know they don't have it but I was bored so it was something to do, they can't help me because they can't figure out what I am talking about.

3:00pm Go to Tattered Cover, I get to drool over books (metaphorically) and copy down titles I'll take out of the library, Alder gets to drool over books (literally) while he pulls them out in the children's section. I clean up in his wake.

3:40pm Head over to Papa's school, stopping in A Bend gallery to look at Bruce's new works and what ever else they have up.

3:50pm Get to the school before Kevin is done with his last clinic patient. That's okay Dr Goa, Jay, Molly, Corey and others that I don't know their names are there to monopolize Alder's time.

4:15pm Leave with Kevin, godmother Kate calls to talk (she's been teaching skiing to Dell executives and band kids all day)

4:30pm Can't make it home before dinner so we stop at Bocaza (yum!)

5:05pm Watch as we miss bus, next one is in a half hour.

5:05pm-5:35pm Burr! We're cold!

5:35pm - 6:24pm Bus ride home.

6:30pm- 7:30pm Papa watches Alder as I get a little down time on the computer.

7:30pm - 8pm Put Alder to bed.

8pm um that's now.

I think I will do this occasionally just to remember what a day is like with a babe when he gets older.

The State of the World; Pharmaceutical Companies

Lately I have been wondering about the state of our country. I don't mean the environmental crisis or international politics but more the ability of many of it's inhabitants to completely ignore those and other issues. As a public radio listener I live in a fairly well informed bubble. I am aware that most people, at least in USA, get their news from the TV evening reports who spend more time on local eye catching tragedy than global issues. I think the problem goes beyond the lack of real news, it has more to do with people in this country having more concern for their own status than the greater good.

I over heard a disturbing conversation the other evening. [I won't say where I was] But there were two guys, both drinking discussing the benefits of certain house remodels. Then the conversation shifted to where one was bragging about his girlfriend's job. (this is a general retelling)
"She gets 70,000 a year just wine and dine the doctors," he says. "Like going out for meals with seventy dollar bottles of wine and stuff. I mean this money is just to use to persuade them."
"What else?" the other guy is impressed. "Well you see she doesn't work for one of the big companies like Merck or anything so I guess it isn't a lot but it's seventy thousand dollars to spend plus they pay her like 300,000 for doing the job."

I stopped listening after that. I'm not sure what part of that information is more disturbing, that a sales person for drugs makes 300,000 dollars or that she has 70,000 dollars to spend on persuading doctors to use the drugs. I guess I thought that was illegal. But either this guy was being stupid and telling his friend something that was or or it isn't. Even if it isn't I'm upset that drugs are subject to being sold to the doctors that way. When I go to the doctor I would like to assume that her diagnosis and treatment for me is decided because of what is best for my situation not because she was wined and dined by a sales person to promote their pills.

Not only is the idea of medicinal sales disturbing but the fact that this guy thought it was very cool that his girlfriend had 70,000 dollars to spend on things like dinner and skiing to get the doctors. In fact he must have mentioned the 70,000 number four or five times during the conversation. What ever happened to the medical profession focusing on the well being of humanity (the other guy was still in his scrubs so I assume he worked in some sort of medical field).

I am not ignoring the fact that there are doctors, nurses, and other practitioners who spend their lives helping people who truly need it. But they seem to be more and more in the minority. But things get more confusing when you add to the equation that doctors are not all making as much as they used to, not since the advent of managed health. I thought that HMOs made lists of what medicines that they would pay for. So what is the goal of the sales people with the doctors? Yes they have a population who is no longer the pinnacle of earning in this country offering them "things" but these doctors also have less control.

What about the ethics? These sales people don't have any commitment to the patients but the doctors do, how can they be doing the best for their patients if they are being bought to suggest one pill over another? Can they really be looking for the best treatment for their patients or their pockets?

I found this group called No Free Lunch who are a group of doctors who:

We are health care providers who believe that pharmaceutical promotion should not guide clinical practice. Our mission is to encourage health care providers to practice medicine on the basis of scientific evidence rather than on the basis of pharmaceutical promotion. We discourage the acceptance of all gifts from industry by health care providers, trainees, and students. Our goal is improved patient care.

We aim to achieve our goal by informing health care providers as well as the general public about pharmaceutical industry efforts to promote their products and influence prescribing; provide evidence that promotion does in fact influence health care provider behavior, often in ways that run counter to good patient care; and provide products that can replace pharmaceutical company paraphernalia and spread our message.

We believe that there is ample evidence in the literature--contrary to the beliefs of most heath care providers--that drug companies, by means of samples, gifts, and food, exert significant influence on provider behavior.
There is also ample evidence in the literature that promotional materials and presentations are often biased and non-informative. We believe that health care professionals, precisely because they are professionals, should not allow themselves to be bought by the pharmaceutical industry: It is time to Just say no to drug reps and their pens, pads, calendars, coffee mugs, and of course, lunch.

We hope to serve as a source of information, inspiration, and assistance for those who are trying to rid their practices, institutions, and colleagues of promotional influence. We provide a forum for the exchange of ideas as well a way to connect and work together with others who are concerned about this issue.

It seems that I should give more doctors credit for working for their patients and against the pharmaceutical companies methods. This is reassuring to me, especially as we embark on our business plans in the world of complimentary and alternative medicine.

Still the fact that people involved in such important things such as medicine and drug creation should be focusing their efforts on helping all the people of the world. Not just through affordable medicine but through health education. Imagine how much could be done just with one years marketing budget. "Drug companies spent another $27.7 billion on promotion, including $15.9 billion on free drug samples and $7.3 billion on sales-rep contacts (free lunches and pens), $4 billion on direct-to-consumer advertising and $500,000 on journal advertising..." Newsweek.

Fish Stew for the Landlocked or the Hungry

So here I am land locked in Colorado less than two hundred miles from the center of the continent and what did I make for dinner last night? Fish Stew. It was out of necessity, I have to eat things that are soft, we had the makings in the freezer, and I had never done it so it had to be done. As per usual I had an idea in my mind of what I wanted to taste but I also was not going to go out to get anything else to make this. So I perused the cook books for general ideas and set about making it.

First off I will say right now the fact that I used frozen clams is only because they were in the freezer. My dear husband bought them over a year ago for god knows what and they have sat there ever since. I do not endorse frozen shellfish (except shrimp) at all, shell fish should still be live when you cook it, please do not try to supplement any canned fish products it will not work.

What you need for Fish Stew (makes enough for two hungry people or four less hungry people):
This is best made in a cast iron kettle or any heavy stew pot.
1 pound boneless white fish (I had trout laying around)
1 dozen little neck clams or half dozen little necks and half dozen mussels
1 dozen or more shrimp
1 white onion, finely chopped
5 cloves of garlic, rough cut
8oz peeled whole tomatoes
4 cups water
1 cup white wine
ground pepper
dill
thyme
olive oil

What you do:

1) Steam the clams ( and mussels) over the water and wine for about 3 minutes. Reserve the liquid and remove the shellfish.

2) Heat oil in kettle add onions saute until soft. Add tomatoes chopping them up a little and garlic. Cook for the amount of time it takes to shell the steamed fish and cut up the fish into 1 inch chunks. Add the reserved liquid and the recently chopped and shelled fish. Through in some Thyme, Dill, and ground pepper.

3) Let simmer for 1 hour.

4) Peel the shrimp and add them to the stew about 5 minutes before you plan on serving it.

This meal goes really well with either crusty bread or brown rice. Enjoy!!

My helpful assistant

Thoughts on Religion 1

Yesterday at temple the discussion topic (during our service we always have a discussion) was rituals and their purpose. The focus was on religion but not completely. The conversation got me thinking about what it means to be religious and what religion means to my life and to my families. In other words do I consider myself religious. To begin with it is hard for me to quantify what being religious actually means.

If it means observing the rituals of Judaism I got to temple once or twice a month and recognize the holidays. I don't think that makes me religious. Sure it is more than most Jews in the United States do but I do not follow many of the daily or weekly rituals.

If being religious means understanding your faith I know I am not religious. But then I am late in coming to my Judaism. I continually find myself not knowing basic facts about our story. The last time I read the Torah/bible was in ninth grade when we did bible as literature, that was almost twenty years ago so my memory is vague. As for the weekly sections of the Torah, listening to a paragraph every two weeks of a story that is read daily leads to a lot of holes in it.

But if being religious means searching for a connection with some sort of higher power, be it a anthropomorphic God or a less tangible one, I guess I am religious.

As a child I was taught to look at religion as a cultural construct created by the people to give them a connection beyond that of their government (primarily feudal). My parents saw religion, and Judaism specifically, as a way to connect ourselves to our past. But they did not go beyond that. To them the Orthodox families on the corner we archaic and controlling, people to be looked at with distrust, rather than people whose lives were closer to the spiritual side of religion. I still get quite when I see orthodox families around, they make me feel as though I am being a bad Jew, it is a remnant of my childhood, I am sure they could explain somethings to me that I never understood.

Now, while I can not claim any real understanding of my religion, I understand the need to be closer to the spirit, the 'god'. I am sure if I had been forced to attend temple every week as an obligation, as some families I knew growing up were, I would not be this accepting to looking for a connection with god. I might be better at the ritual elements of being a Jew but they might be hollow. I look at my husband and see someone who was brought up in the Lutheran church, he was even confirmed but it was all motions he was going through as a family obligation not a personal religious one (surprisingly he enjoys joining me at temple and says he likes the Reform Judaism ideas).

As many young people I searched out a connection with a spiritual center. I had gone to a Quaker school for many years and the silent meeting gave me "something" but it was an internal center. Even since graduating I have been to Quaker Meeting at various points to re-find this center. While this center is fulfilling it is not spiritual connection. So after high school I looked in the regular channels of the East and the natural world. But I always walked away unconvinced that I could really believe in the religious aspects. None of it fit.

After we had been married for a few years and there was talk of children I began to think more about religion. I knew that our child had to be brought up Jewish, because if they were not then by default they would be Christan, it's just what our country is like. I actually had a nightmare that my one of my sister-in-laws tried to surreptitiously baptise our child. I started looking at Jewish websites, the same way people look at pornography, I hid it from Kevin. I felt that I needed to have a stronger footing in Judaism before I announced to anyone that we would be a Jewish family.

A funny thing happened during my covert investigation into Jewishness, I got it. I mean it made sense on a level that had nothing to do with logic, it just fit. maybe it is hereditary or genetic but the ideas I was reading about made sense to me. It was like being told something that I had once known and forgotten. What I like best was that 'they' did not seem to expect me to change who I was as a person. In fact what I read more sounded like an extension of who I already was.

The next step was to find a Temple, or at least a Rabbi to talk to. Growing up rabbis we dour old me in dark suits who presided over funeral and high holidays. These men (and they were all men) were unapproachable serious people, they were no different than bankers to me. Then I happened upon Temple Micah, the Rabbi is young and engaging. Willing to talk outside of the service about anything. I came to try it on and pretty quickly knew it fit.

In all my searching for a spiritual connection I found one that fits with my philosophical beliefs (see the quote at the top of the blog) as well as my need for community. Of course I still don't really understand a lot about Judaism but I am learning. Some days it feels as if parts of it are genetic, it all just comes together.

Having a child brings in another facet to my religious belief and practice. While I want Alder to have the experience of being part of Judaism I do not want to force it on him. I want him to see that it is part of my life because it enriches it not because it is a social responsibility. Rarely do I want to force him to be involve in something that does not ring true to him so I have to make it part of our lives in a way that it integral to everything else not opposed to it. Ah more questions for me to answer as I unwind this mystery that is religion.