Alder Finds Quotes

Alder has an uncanny ability to show me things that I need to see. Sometimes it is slowing down enough during a hike where we find stones and spy animals others times it is his moments of stillness where all that he wants is to stare out the window and lay on my belly. Lately he has spent a lot of time taking books off our books shelves and handing them to us. During one short version he handed me two books, Red by Terry Tempest Williams and Earth in Mind by David Orr. Both of them were what I needed at that moment.

Earth in Mind was open to this quote: "...there is a danger that education will damage the sense of wonder- the sheer joy in the created world- that is part of our original equipment at birth. It does this in various ways: by reducing learning to routines and memorization, by excess abstraction divorced from lived experience, by boring curriculum, by humiliation, by too many rules, by overstressing grades, by too much television and too many computers, by too much indoor time and mostly by deadening the feelings from which wonder grows."

I watch this sense of wonder in Alder everyday. The joy that I see as he explores his environment, as he figures things out, and puzzles new ones, is something that I do not want to disapear. More than anyother reason this is why we have made certain choices in our lives.

The copy of Red was closed, I opened it and read bits and pieces and came across this: "I stop. The silence that lives in these sacred hallways presses against me. I relax. I surrender. I close my eyes. The arousal of my breath rises in me like music, like love, as the possessive muscles between my legs tighten and release. I come to the rock in a moment of stillness, giving and receiving, where there is no partition between my body and the body of Earth."

I have stood barefoot and welcomed the sun on the sandstone she speaks of in the Canyonlands. I have tasted the wall of a canyon as I hiked through it arms outstretched reaching both sides. I did not meet the desert until I was twenty four, but it was then that I came home. It may seem odd that I have left the west for New England, but my love of the desert is so consuming that I have never wanted to live in it. When I was close I would visit alone for weekends like some people visit lovers. The intense feeling of being there is not sustainable, I must leave or I think I might be consumed by the sandstone and sage brush.

Luckily, Kevin's parents live close enough to the desert that when we visit I can rendezvous with it, alone or with my family.

A Step into the Past

August 9th 1919 during ship week, when all the sailors come to New York. My grandmother and friends took a few of them up to Riverside Park for a picnic. This is the same park as in the picture of Alder in Baby No More (a recent post).



Hannah Brandt, my grandmother in 1916 or 17. She designed purses and costume jewelry until she married at the old age of 27.


September 2 1918, in front of her sister's house out in Brooklyn.

I've been thinking about how much pleasure and ease having a digital camera brings. Back when these pictures were taken it was a big deal. They weren't done by a professional but cameras were taken out for special occasions and not everyone had one. It is nice to be able to discard images I don't like but I want to start approaching the camera with more reverence, it is an artists media not just a recorder.

Sore

Kevin explained to me last night that my body hurt because there are micro-tears in my muscles and they have more lactate acid. In other words I am sore sore sore. Of course I knew I would be sore, I took a 24 mile bike ride yesterday. It was southern Washington County NY's Tour de Farm. It was a great three hour trip around to three different farms whose land is part of the local land trust. Land trust programs like the one in New York State are part of a larger movement, the American Farmland Trust is a good place to learn about it.

Sure I hadn't ridden my bike since July and I've only ever done 17 miles at most, but I made it, and I came in only a half hour after the first riders. So now I am sore sore sore.

On a side note the camera will be back this weekend! Even if it's broken it still takes pictures.

Camera Woes

I just heard back from the camera shop that the apple juice is not the culprit to my camera woes. It is in fact the entire front of the camera. Gulp!! They said that even the shutter isn't working. Funny since it still takes pictures. They want $185 to replace the parts, which is almost as much as the camera is worth. I guess I'm going to just use it broken, we can't afford to fix it. This of course means the new camera is closer (relatively speaking) to becoming ours. Sigh...

Flea Market Thoughts

We spent the weekend in New York, a party (over whleming), connecting with an old friend (haven't seen since tenth grade), lots of food. Alder and I went to the flea market Sunday. When I was a kid I would go almost every week, at that point I was into suit jackets and old maps of Portugal and New York. My taste has changed but being there hasn't. I spent $3 on a little cut paper picture of peaches on the branch (will have to wait for picture) it now hangs happily at the bottom of our stairs.

What I love best at the flea market is taking it all in. Even if I'm not interested I end up looking at each booth. My favorite part is inside the cafeteria, the market takes place at a middle school, where all the old jewelry, coin and ephemera dealers are. As I fingered costume jewelry and dressing table mirrors and young orthodox guy haggled with the coin dealer and a Korean mother and daughter browsed the movie paraphernalia. The room smelt like school food and old paper. In the dim lights I felt like I could be fifteen again.

SPC - in the bathroom

Baby No More

In the last few weeks Alder has gone through a huge shift. He has left baby-hood behind and is a full fledged toddler. Most of the changes have been beautiful to watch, his playing has become so focused. It used to be that he moved things just to move them but now he has reasons of his own that he does things.

But there are other changes that are bigger shifts for me than him. He no longer is content to sit still for very long in his stroller which means our long walks and trips to museums are over for a while. While there are parts of the day when he is content with just hanging out and exploring a single object there are other longer periods that are all about movement. During those hours he is a buzzing creature constantly on the go. I've tried to adapt, focusing our together time in places where he can freely roam rather than having to redirect him. It's a lot of fun to go to a big field and spread out a blanket and be home base for him, or to tail him around the playground.

When I can I allot three hours for a park visit or hike, that might normally be one hour. This way he can go until he is done and ready to leave. If he has had enough time he is happy to do grownup things with Mama. The catch is I'm not used to all this energy that a toddler expends, I find that by the time we are done with two or three hours playing I'm the one ready for the nap even if he isn't. We were lucky when he was new born, even back then he only got up two or three times a night. I had very few sleepless nights, but now it is catching up with me because I can not keep up with him. It's only 5pm and I'm ready for bed.