Gestation

What is my focus? I find myself asking a lot lately. I am a mama, I am a partner, I write, I run a business, I parent, I make things, I make art, I wander, I read, I am a daughter, I am a niece .... The list goes on, these are all things that are important parts of me. But they just seem to compile until I am more like a random stack on my desk than a woman. I am lost among the books and bobbins, diapers and business cards. I rush from one identity to another never staying long enough in one to get comfortable, or to see how they might fit together. I am tired worn thin; simultaneously inspired by everything and uninspired.

For the last week I have mulled over how all these pieces fit into a nice bundle rather than a pile. Mulling, gestation, whatever word you want to use is when you just let things surface on their own without working at it. I merely kept these ideas in my mind and allowed for them to percolate. Any that came up was written down without too much commitment. It's been ten days now and I think it's time to take all these pieces of paper together and see what meshes. Try to find how I can be all these things together, instead of at once.

Note: Picture was taken of me with an original Polaroid camera about seven years ago by Alex on a delicious day in her old apartment in Brooklyn. Now I live out here close by, yet she has moved the other way and is in LA. Isn't that the way of life?